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I surrender--or: fictitious letter to TAB

Dear Transit Adjudication Bureau of New York City,

I surrender. I give in. I confess.

I'm sure your police officers were way too busy yelling at me and go through my stuff, reading the printouts of very private emails, showing one email that revealed my homosexuality to each other with evil smiles, so they weren't really able to realize that I had a valid 30-days unlimited ride metro card in my hand and showed it repeatedly and visually to both of them when they stopped me and issued me a fine for supposedly riding the subway without paying the fare.

I promise that I try to understand that my credit card statement that proves I've bought a 30-day unlimited rides card can not be used as evidence of my innocence. Every sane human being would say I'm innocent, but I give in, you're right: although I had a valid metro card in my hand, and although I've sent the metro card two times to your office (after you returned it with a letter and forgot about that).

I'm sorry your phone number is very busy and to get through to you takes like 90 minutes each time, I think that's my responsibility too. I'm sorry that once you kept me waiting for three hours on the phone pretending you're doing something for me. And I'm sorry you hung up on me after three hours, calls from Germany to the US aren't really cheap by the way--I guess that's my fault as well. And I'm sorry another clerk hung up on me too right after that, this clearly proves your point that I didn't respond. And I'm sorry your letter was sent back to you labeled "insufficient address", but since all other letters have arrived, it is clear I didn't provide a wrong address to you. And yes, I try to understand that as soon as a letter has left your office, it's completely my responsibility that I get it. It's completely my fault the Post wasn't able to deliver the mail to me, you are so right. I promise I will try to understand why you "see no good cause" to get this solved. And I try to understand why you say that I don't respond to your letters. Responses by phone, fax and letters always on the same day I got your letter seems not to be enough in your world.

I'm sorry I got no letter I could have responded to, and I'm sure your late penalty for not answering to a letter that came back to you labeled "insufficient address" makes sense to you. And I'm sure your promise sending me the letter again, but instead just sending another late penalty is fine as well. I grew up in a country of justice, and maybe I just expected that in your country as well. I'm such a dork. I confess.

I'm sorry that I've expected to be treated like a human. Now I know how stupid I was to hope you would help me out of this ridiculous ticket. I pay the ticket, and the two late fees, although I didn't do anything wrong. And--as your form says--by paying I confess my guilt. So that's what I do now.

If the State of New York and the City of New York need money that bad, that they even start to fine innocent tourists because they can't come back for a court case, I just give in. I don't want to become famous for being the guy who didn't spare a couple dollars for a (maybe? at least they act like that) bankrupt state.

Take my money, take my pride. But please never ever do that again.

How to find a compromise

Finding a compromise is not always easy. But I'm sure I can explain it with a tiny example of German politics.

Before the elections in September 2005, the SPD (comparable to the Democrats in the USA) said with them there will be no raise of VAT. The CDU (comparable to the Republicans in the USA) said there's a need to raise VAT by on percentage point. None of them got enough votes, so there is a big coalition of both of them in power.

Addlebrained people might be going to think that a compromise between no raise and a raise of 1 percentage point might be something like a raise of 0.5 percentage points. They're mistaken. They're dumb, stupid and crazy.

As you can learn from our goverment, if one party wants no raise, and the other one wants a raise by one, the compromise is a raise of 3. That's right, VAT in Germany will go from 16% up to 19% by the end of this year. Well done, government, thanks for showing us how to compromise.

Creepy

That's so creepy. I took this test to find out what age I'm acting. There are some questions about favorite dessert, TV habits and stuff like that, and then they calculate your age. To make it clear, you don't enter any number, neither your birth year nor your age, the calculation is only based on these favorite dessert thingy question. I am 29, and this was my result:
 

You Are 29 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

To the Best Mom Ever!

People say that nearly every gay boy loves his Mommy. This might be true, but I'm not only loving her--she's really the best Mom ever! She was a perfect Mom while I needed a Mom, and she is also my best friend--and still a Mom, that'll never change.

She was in her mid-twenties when she gave birth to me. Oops, I know, I'm not supposed to tell the age of a woman. But I mean, I'm already older than she had been when I was born. I'm not mature enough to take care of my indoor plants, while she has always been a perfect, loving and caring Mom.

This picture was taken exactly two years ago, May 2004. She and I went to New York City, I wanted to show her the city I love, now she's loving it as well.

You know, I want to move to New York City by the end of the year. I'm not living in the same city as my Mom already. I only see her once each month, but we're talking on the phone regularly, and I know I can be with her in an hour if I want so. I'm afraid I'll see her only once a year or less after I've moved. She's the only person I'm gonna miss very much. And somehow I'm afraid that after some years I'll regret that I hadn't been able to spent more time with her.

Mom, thank you so much for everything you did for me so far, thank you for being such a great mother and a lovely friend. Thank you for your love and care. Thank you for your support after I came out. Thank you so much for you're always there for me, thank you for all the things you've taught me, thanks for your advice, thank you for making me who I am. I love you.

The one about language.

Some of my American blogging friends got comments about bad grammar or spelling lately. Usually I think it's really cheap if someone uses that to insult someone else. It's like you don't agree with something that had been said, but you're not bright enough to reply with real content. In Germany we say that the one who's complaining about your grammer has already lost the argument.

Anyway, I'm in a different situation. I'm obviously not a native speaker, I make many mistakes and I know my English sucks. I started blogging in 2003 in German, and then I just forgot to continue. When I started to blog again just 3 months ago, I decided to do it in English for one reason. Besides the reasons someone has to blog at all, I chose a foreign language to improve my language skills.

That also includes that I appreciate hints or corrections. If you realize that I misspell a word all the time, or that I make the same grammar mistake again and again, I would be very happy if you can give me a hint. Thanks!

Gimme 5 times 5

Today's questions on Gimme5:

1. Tell us 5 things you’ve done this morning.
I just got up, so nothing special happened so far, but ok ...

  1. I did number one.
  2. I did number two.
  3. I did a phone call.
  4. I was reading some blogs.
  5. I checked my email.

2. Tell us 5 things you’re going to do today.

  1. I'm gonna present a prototype to a customer in the evening.
  2. I have to study for my exams.
  3. I need to return some goods to the store.
  4. I need to go to the bank.
  5. I have to run some errands.

3. Tell us 5 things you couldn’t live without.

  1. good friends
  2. music
  3. strawberry and raspberry cake
  4. phones
  5. good cheese

4. Tell us 5 things you would like to live without.

  1. wasps
  2. friends who are false
  3. smoke (in restaurants, pubs and clubs)
  4. tickets
  5. disappointment

5. Tell us 5 things you would like to achieve.

  1. my university degree
  2. an appartment in Brooklyn Heights
  3. a job in New York
  4. a relationship
  5. maybe a PhD

The Way Old Friends Do

I'm feeling sooo happy. I'm meeting up with two old friends in Karlsruhe. Anja lives there, but she used to live where I grew up, and Susie, the other friend, still does. I haven't seen them in a very long time.

I was 16 or 17 when I met them for the first time. On one hand we were so different, but we got along excellently. I was a teenager and they were both in their thirties, I didn't know that I'm gay, but wasn't interested in girls either, I was a virgin, still lived with my parents, Anja lived together with her boyfriend, Susi was married and had a 8 year old boy. We were completely different on the outside, but on the inside we were connected and very similar. I loved both of them as friends. They were the first ones I came out to. And they helped me get a life. They were the ones I talked to about my crushes, and they were the only ones I felt comfortable with each and every second.

We had many nice BBQs, picknicks, walks, talks, laughs and booze-ups together in the past. And we were literally rolling on the floor laughing (sober).

When I moved to Stuttgart and Anja moved to Karlsruhe, unfortunately we didn't meet up anymore. But today was the big reunion. Husbands and partners were not allowed, just the three of us. Girls night :-)

They're both looking so beautiful, I was amazed. They're even looking younger than last time.

We had Pizza together, many Tequilas, and we had a blast. I laughed so much, Tequila actually came out of my nose. That really hurts for many minutes, by the way.

We talked a lot, I needed an update on their lives. They didn't know much about my life since 1999. Besides that, it felt like we've never been seperated. We watched some old pictures of us at our parties or at snowboard trips, and we laughed our asses off. You know, fashion and hairstyles have changed during the past 10 years--thank God!

We're all staying in Karlsruhe for the night and tomorrow we're gonna have a relaxed brunch together. Both of them are already sleeping, I'm still laying in my bed, smiling, because I'm so happy to be with them again.

Up, up and away

I'm already late, so here's just a short post. I'm gonna visit two friends from back home. One was the owner of the restaurant by the iron ore mine I used to work. She (Anja) and her best friend Susie were very important friends in those days. They were the first ones I came out to. They supported me and helped me to become more self-confident.
They were the first ones who made me dance in a club, and we laughed so much together. Uhm, they didn't laugh about me dancing. We laughed at other stuff. Although me dancing must be quite funny.

I'm really looking forward to meeting them again, after about 7 years we haven't met. We already had so much fun on the phone when we set up this date.

Ok, now I have to run to catch the train. Have a nice weekend!

Blogoholics Anonymous

I'm afraid I need to join BA (Blogoholics Anonymous). I'm spending so much time on reading other people's blogs, on writing posts, on listening to podcasts. Seems like a serious problem to me. Is there a BA group in my city? Is there a BA group anywhere?

It's gonna be like this:

Me: Hi, my name is Rian, and I'm addicted to blogs.
Group: Hi Rian.
Supervisor: Well, Rian, why don't you tell us a little bit about your life?
Me: Oh, you can read everything about my life on my blog...
Group: Yikes!
Supervisor: Rian, you're not supposed to talk about the "bad thing" in here.
Me: Which "bad thing"? You mean my blog???
Group: Ouch! Yuck!
Supervisor: Yes, Rian, we don't want to hear the B-word in here. So, why are you here?
Me: Well, I realized that I was spending too much time with reading B... uhm ... B... I mean ... the B-Thingy...
Supervisor: You mean the Bible, right?
Me: No, I was talking about Blogs...
Group: Ewww!
Me: Sorry, I did it again.
Supervisor: You know what this means, Rian. You have to stand in the corner and think about your uncondonable behaviour. And you're gonna stand there for the entire Sunday.
Me: No! It's "What city sunday" over at Ryan and Mike's.
Group: Jesus!
Supervisor: Ok, we just add another day.
Me: Just for mentioning a Blog???
Group: Holy crap! (some of them are closing their eyes and holding their ears while humming a little tune)
Supervisor: Ok, until Tuesday.
Me: So, no Comment Game at Larry's for me this week. That's a pity.
Group: Damn! Keep your temper!
Supervisor: ... until Wednesday.
Man #1: We're gonna meet up on hump day? Who's gonna publish my hump day post?
Supervisor: Do you wanna end up like Rian. Look at him, he's still into the B-word. Disgusting!
Man #1: You can kiss my mike ... uhm ... ass!
Me: Seriously, don't get entangled too much.
Supervisor: Argh! Both of you will stand in the corner until Half Nekkid Thursday.
Me: Did you just say Half Nekkid Thursday???
Supervisor: No, you did! I don't know anything about HNT, and I don't read Brad's Blog either.
Me: I do!
Group: Bloody hell!
...

Brain Dump 1.0

There are quite a few things I just want to get out of my brain. Well, things I want to express without writing a big post. Just tiny bits. So here's my first brain dump.

  • Grandpa's surgery was ok. He woke up again and is getting better.
  • I actually talked to Timo on the phone yesterday. First time in many months. And it was kind of nice. And we didn't yell at each other. Big step forward.
  • My radio station finally set up a web stream. So our show will conquer the whole world. At least those who speak German. To be honest, now everybody can hear how dorky I sound on our show. Whatever.
  • I spent about $100 at an online shop buying a load of Altoids Cinnamon Strips. By the way, Altoids' Homepage is awesome. And very entertaining. Good work. (Well, unfortunately I don't get paid for this announcement)
  • Days until I see the first batch of my friends from NYC: 27
  • This subway thing is bugging me again. And once again they added another fee. Now I'm just gonna pay. I know I'm not guilty but I think they just do this because I'm an alien. Short version: They don't respond to my mails and then issue me a fine for my failure to respond. They said they've sent me some forms to fill out, but I never got them. Funnily enough, the tickets do arrive anyways.

Bye bye, Timo. Bye bye ...

I was talking about my former best friend Timo on my blog before. We got along so well. He was such a great buddy. Timo and I did many things together. And we talked on the phone for hours every day.

But sometimes you (i.e. me, but also him) don't appreciate things enough. Things like friendship. And sometimes two people just move on, leaving their friendship behind. I have, like, no contact with Timo anymore. We meet each other once a month but we don't really talk to each other anymore.

On one hand I'm really sad that this happened, and I'm missing an important friend. On the other hand I'm thinking it's supposed to be like that. Maybe we've just changend and we don't have anything in common anymore. But there still was a spark of hope we can fix our issues and it's gonna be like before.

Today I've got an email from him. It wasn't even a mail for me. It was a mail to all the people he knows. He's gonna move to another town in another state in May. I guess that's it.

I mean, I knew it before. Some other friends told me about his plans. Yet again, the fact I knew it because other people told me is another indicator for us not being friends anymore.

Worst thing: I'm not sure how I'm really feeling about that yet. I mean, of course I'm gonna miss him. But I'm already missing him for about 9 months. It won't change much. I'm not gonna miss him, I already got over it. Did I? I don't know. Him moving away bothers me more than I thought it would. And maybe even more than it should.

Although he doesn't know about my blog: Timo, I wish you good luck for your start in a new city. I regret we're not close friends anymore, I had a great time with you. I hope we stay in touch, or better, I hope we're getting in touch again soon. May your new life always be prosperous, your career successful, and your relationship perfectly happy.

Surgery (again)

Just a tiny update on Gramps: He's gonna have another surgery tomorrow in the early morning and he didn't feel very good today. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Update: Surgery was successful, he's feeling ok.

Grandpa knows

Today I've been visiting Grandpa at the hospital. He was the last one who didn't know about my "secret", which was ridiculous since I'm very out, I host a gay radio show and write a lot for a German gay newspaper.

Grandpa said he's feeling better, but I could see he's in pain. He had surgery last Tuesday. When my Mom went out of the room to talk to a doc, I had a conversation with Grandpa.

Grandpa: So, is he American or German?
Me: ???
Grandpa: Your boyfriend ... Is he American or German? Is he the reason you're going to America that often?
Me: Uhm ... Uh ... I ...
Grandpa: As long as he's not Bavarian it's ok *laughs*

My Grandparents are very important to me. Grandpa's not feeling very well and I'm afraid he'll die in a few months, which makes me really sad. But I'm so relieved he's got to know the real me and he's ok with it.

My family is sooo cool. I just love them all!

Grandma knows

I said earlier that I'm out to everybody. Well, that wasn't really true. It's more a "I'm out to everybody except my grandparents". My family thought that they're a different generation and we were afraid my grandparents won't really understand. So all my aunts and uncles, cousins and everybody else knows, many of them even met my former boyfriend, except Grandma and Grandpa. I love them very much, they're perfect grandparents, but I was always a little bit afraid what might happen if they find out.

I was talking to my Mom on the phone. She said she had a chat with Grandma before.

Grandma: Is he still together with that guy in Stuttgart.
Mom: You mean Sven? Yes, they're roomies.
Grandma: Roomies? They're not a couple anymore?
Mom: Uhm ... not anymore.
Grandma: So, do you think there's a chance you'll get grandchildren now?
Mom: No, I don't think so. He's already seeing someone else.
Grandma: Why doesn't he introduce his friend to us.

Uhm ... my grandparents are cooler than I thought.

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